Why Depression Hurts, Physically(Instead Of Just In Your Mind)

Our body and mind are connected without a doubt! How can depression not have a physical impact?

Depression affects 20 million Americans and 350 million people worldwide every year. This range goes from mild depression, situational depression to significant forms of depression.

What about it?

Depression isn’t a lack of happiness, joy or expansive emotions. Depression shows up in response to the exterior and/or interior conflicts.It is an answer to an internal imbalance and unresolved inner friction that reduces the ability to feel any emotions correctly.
In most societies worldwide depression is put into a box of emotional pain or mental illness without exception whether it is a situational depression or a serious form of depression.

But there is a physical connection, too.

Today there’s more research, more knowledge, and wisdom about depression and its conjunction with our physical and energetic body. I will tell you more about how our body-mind and soul collaborate and how our physical hurt connects to depression.

The Forms Of Depression

My purpose of this article is to focus on the situational form of depression and the physical connection instead of the serious types of depressions. The physical connection applies to all kinds of depression.

What are the severe forms of depression called?

I will mention a couple of the more severe forms of depression to inform and make the range of depression conscious. There are some severe depression forms named for instance major depression, bipolar depression, hormone-related depression, psychotic depression, seasonal depression and some others.It is a broad field, and it is essential to understand which type of depression one have and to get it correctly diagnosed to treat it as an illness and not a personal characteristic.

What are the symptoms?

11 symptoms of depression included physical symptoms:

1. feeling sad
2. feeling hopeless
3. feeling empty
4. loss of interest in activities
5. loss of appetite
6. loss of sexual interest
7. feeling of worthlessness
8. sleeping disturbance.
9. back pain
10.headache
11. chest pain

It is nothing to fool around with. If you feel you deal with some symptoms a great of a time and it just won’t move at all, please check in with your doctor or find an online questionnaire for depression and take an honest self-assessment.

Take care of yourself, love yourself, help is available. As I already mentioned it is nothing to fool around with!

Situational Depression

Have you ever heard of situational depression?

In contrary to the above serious forms the situational depression is something that most of us are familiar with. Here I intend to point more and bring more awareness to the situational depression that appears for instance in times of tremendous life change and is a natural reaction and experience.To most of us, it is familiar and a natural whole body reaction to recovery.

Most of us have experienced situational depression.It appears when we feel down, sad, unmotivated, teary, unable to sleep, eat or function and isolated.
It is not a problem. It is a reaction to the problem and it holds a treasure for all of us.

Depression And The Connection To Our Physical Body

Our body is connected to our mind and brain, and depression cannot only be seen in relation to our mental state. There’s an undoubted association to our body.

What is the relation between physical hurt and depression?

To my point of view and from a perspective of holistic, integrated Psychology and Yoga Psychology the state of depression is understood as not only one emotion. It is a summary of emotions, life decisions, life experiences, circumstances and health issues that finds expression through the body as a channel to deliver the message to stop and to start to listen deeper to the message and the voice from the soul. It is a full body response and a response to complex issues. There is a say ” our issues live in our tissues”. Our body reacts in different forms to show up and get attention.

Therefore physical hurt is the call or scream of your soul to get attention and to be heard.

Sometimes the physical hurt is the only way how our soul can get attention to let us know that a change of our life course might be considered. The reaction can be an answer to an internal imbalance or battle we fight and it can also be a response that arises from our culture itself.

Depression often can be a symptom of unresolved trauma, burnout, nutritional deficiency and autoimmune disease such as multiple sclerosis, certain thyroid diseases, rheumatoid arthritis. All of the above can show up as hurt in your physical body. It can come from a source of chemical imbalance caused by unhealthy food, chronic pain, emotional wounds, invisible illness. Depression is also seen as a risk for heart disease and osteoporosis.And these are only some examples to make aware the relation between depression and body reactions, body symptoms and illness.

Nutrition plays in the field of Depression a significant role.

Some researcher investigated the connection between our digestive system and psyche and one cause of the onset of depression might be our digestive system and nutrition. In 2013 it was approved that fast food can increase the risk to get Depression. An unhealthy diet can cause digestive issues. Digestive issues can show up in some pain or hurt such as cramps. That can lower the energy and influences the release of hormones in our digestive system that control our mood and can cause depression.

The stomach and gut health is seen as the second brain where neurons sit in and send responses back to the brain. And in reverse, the brain sends chemical answers back to our organs that are triggered by thoughts and emotions. We also often talk about the gut feeling as our inner wisdom.

Today the science of the body-mind connection know that our body organs communicate directly with our brain and our brain reacts instantly to our body organs.

It is understood that some issues are related to specific organs and cause the release of stress hormones that lower our energy, and we feel depressed. For instance, relationship issues are connected to our kidneys. One can have an issue in a relationship that causes emotional stress and destructive thoughts, we feel low in energy and depressed, and our kidneys react, show pain as in lower back pain.

Our thoughts, emotions, feelings, and brain affects and communicates directly with our organs of our bodies, our immune system, hormone system and nervous system.

Destructive thoughts such as ” I’m not lovable”,”I’m worthless,” “I’m not good enough,” sorrow and repressed emotions cause stress in our body because of the chemical impact that our feelings have on our immune system, organs such as the kidneys and hormone system. In case of autoimmune system disease, our own system attacks our body. Why should a body or cell normally attack our body when everything is fine unless messages were sent by self-destructive thoughts

Mental depression is related not only to self-destructive thoughts that cause the inner war in your little inner village it is also related to your immune system and can attack your body. People with the autoimmune disease often suffer from depression.

Another relation between body and depression is the feeling of stress and loneliness, which are parts of low energy and depression. These can activate an inactive herpes virus and cause physical hurt.

Those are examples to show the connection between depression and our physical bodies, how our bodies react in different ways.
And the sciences of the body-mind connection has shown how our emotional and psychological wounds become physical and show up in hurt. At the same time, it also supports the capacity in everyone to heal from these conditions,

One Step Of Healing

A necessary healing step is to honor and accept the depression and listen to the wisdom in it. Fighting and suppressing the depression increases the intensity. I’m aware of and understand how difficult it is to see it from a different perspective. Especially concerning our conditions in our different cultures and societies that expect more to overcome and ignore it rather than reflect on it and the direction of your life. Unfortunately, our cultures don’t yet welcome and value reflection. That means only if depression is pathologized it will get permission to be recognized by society to reflect on. It’s a paradox, isn’t it?

And I hope I encourage to allow to take a different perspective on depression and the physical language that sends us valuable messages.

Although it can destabilize your psyche and can be destructive to your body, depression has a healing purpose. It is a calling to listen closely to your depression, to the wisdom of your body and your soul.

It is to be seen more as if it belongs to yourself like a friend and teacher instead of fighting it and killing the message and the voice of your body and soul.

My hope

I hope more people engage depression and practice more understanding of the message of depression what has occurred inside and outside of you to imbalance and to feel depressed. It stops you for a reason.

Hopefully, you can welcome and thank you for your depression one day!

Have a question or comment? Send me your ideas, feelings, thoughts, and comments! I want to know what you think and feel. You can also reach me at: ab@annabelle-breuer.com

4 Keys To Support Depression Physically And To Boost Your Mood

Depression affects 20,000 000 Americans and 350 000 000 people worldwide every year. This number doesn’t give an idea or overview of depression called situational depression that’s familiar to all of us and that we’ve all experienced at least once in life. Situational depression describes when you feel down, sad, unmotivated, teary, unable to sleep, eat or function and isolated over a period of time and when it moves away naturally. Also, people who are burdened by sadness, loneliness, worthlessness, hurt or anger that is neither biological nor psychological nor spiritual in nature.
It appears for instance in times of significant life changes.

4 keys to support any depression whether it’s a mild depression, a severe form of depression or situational depression.

For those who need to take antidepressants to restore the neurochemical and hormone system, it’s also significant and helpful to restore your body flow, chemistry, and hormonal flow in other ways such as exercising frequently, eating healthy, sleeping enough and meditating. Exercises in balance with a lot of rest vitalize your body, mind, and soul. Over-exercising can pull you back into depression as inactivity can. For that reason, it’s important to treat your body gentle, compassionate and mindful.

# Key 1: Cardio And Rest

What is your relation to your body?

A brilliant form of healing for your body is, for instance, a twenty-minute run or dance routine or a period of any other cardio experience and afterward allow your body to rest and recover.

I’m sure this combination of visceral experience and great recovery gives you amazing vitality and boost your mood.

Exercises such as cardio, raising your heartbeat and toning your muscles have an undoubted impact of healing on your body that is suffering from depression.

The key is to treat activity and rest equally!

People who were inactive need to start slowly and gently to come back to fitness.People who were athletes need to be mindful not to over exercise as they tend to exercise towards fatigue and not resting, recovering and sleeping enough what makes them chemically and physically depressed.

Movement is significant, and balance and flow are as equally important or even more critical.

The key to getting out of a depressive spiral is movement, flow, and balance.

#Key 2: Meditation, Nature And Breathing Techniques

What is your relation to your emotions and breath?

It’s also significant to be in flow in other areas of your life and practice meditation and breathing consciously.

Yoga, Meditation, and nature are great opportunities to get out of your mind, to connect with your emotions, your body, your essence, and life energy.

Special breathing techniques connect your mind with your body and activate your inner fire. The inner fire that tends to be suppressed in depressed states.The element of fire in us has a hot and luminous nature. It helps us to digest easily, to break down life into its components and to keep us moving forward. It helps us to absorb food, to metabolize it and nourish our physical body. It burns our negative thoughts, patterns, fears, and blockades into more subtle forms that sustain our awareness.

The key to getting out of a depressive spiral is movement, flow, and balance.

#Key 3: Sleep

What’s your relationship with sleep?

Sleep plays a tremendous role in your emotional and physical health.
Many studies show that sleep interruption, disruption cause hormonal and chemical imbalance that guides to depression.

In our modern today’s world, an average of people is out of our daily, natural, seasonal rhythm.

We were meant to get up when the sun rises and slow down with the sunset and sleep in the dark. Our society tends to be separated from our cycles of the day and seasons due to an exaggerated focus on work. An extreme way of productivity has created a population of overwork and overtired that may be depressed because of sleep deficits.

It’s significant to become aware of your sleeping patterns in case depression is an issue for you! If you take stimulants and energy booster such as coffee, tea, sugar in the morning and depressants such as alcohol, overeating, tobacco, drugs at night, notice something is going on in your life.
All kind of artificial support( stimulants and downers) will interrupt your sleep cycles and has an impact on your energy, hormonal and chemical system. It may be that they will help you for a short while and lighten your mood through your day and collapse you at night, but they will only make your depression worse.

There is no replacement for deep and healthy sleep!

The key to getting out of a depressive spiral is movement, flow, and balance.

#Key 4: Nutrition

What’s your relationship with food?

It’s essential to become aware of your eating behaviors when you’re emotional, or your depressive tendencies are present.

How do you engage your emotions in this case? Do you slow down or do you distract yourself with comfort food or extreme diets?

When you’re in a depressive spiral and treat yourself as an object and abuse food to get you out of depression, you’ll increase the spiral of depression and imbalance and maybe create more unhealthy eating habits.

How can you break this pattern?

You don’t need to abuse food. You need to wake you up and treat food as food and engage your emotions and work with them.For instance, if you like sweeties eat them moderately because you like them but not because you feel sad, lonely, depressed or angry and you want to boost your emotional mood.

Never eat because you’re emotionally upset!

Bring consciousness to your eating. You can name the emotion, and you can call that you’re hungry. For example, you may say: “I feel depressed now, and I feel hungry for dinner.”
Naturally, naming raises awareness and mindfulness and gives voice to both as well to your emotional mood as to your state of hunger. And it treats both as separate entities.

Your emotions need to be honored instead of fed!

The key to getting out of a depressive spiral is movement, flow, and balance.

Depression isn’t a lack of happiness, joy or expansive emotions. Depression shows up in response to the exterior and/or interior conflicts.It is an answer to an internal imbalance and unresolved inner friction that reduces the ability to feel any emotions properly.

Depression is a wake-up call to listen more deeply to ourselves, and it has a vital healing purpose.Therefore it is essential to strengthening our physical body, move our emotional body, wake up our energetic body and pay attention to nutrition, breathing and sleep for the sake of balance.

I hope you raise your awareness to all of it above to get out of the depressive spiral!

Are you looking for a massive breakthrough in your life? Reach out; I would love to talk to you and schedule a discovery session.
ab@annabelle-breuer.com

Annabelle-C. Breuer-Udo is an Osteopath, Coach, Naturopath, Psychotherapist and TriYoga Instructor. She is passionate about and an Expert in Somatic Coaching, Process Oriented Psychology, Great Story Coaching, and Leadership from inside out. She has great experience in the combination of Yoga, Somatic Coaching, and Psychology.

3 Subtle But Significant Things To Access Our Body Wisdom

Trusting our body and learning to translate the messages and languages of our body is a beautiful art!

How often do you pay attention to your body? How often do you take time to take care of your body-mind and soul? When was the last time that you deeply listened to your body?How important is your relationship with your body and yourself?

This is a great story of a client regarding body wisdom, planting seeds, birth a dream and 100% commitment to oneself.

This client consulted me for getting sessions of osteopathy and somatic coaching a couple of months ago. The story is based on the 5 layers of our body that my client discovered in the sessions. For the sake of better understanding the story you’ll get a short introduction to the five layers of the body from the perspective of Yoga Psychology and Philosophy that resonates with me 100%.

When we’re talking about the body and watch it through a holistic lens, we can see an outer layer called physical body followed by the inner layers named the mental, emotional and spiritual body.From the Yoga Psychology and Philosophy our body has 5 layers named as followed in the order from outside-in:

1.Physical Body
2.Energetic Body
3.Mental/Emotional Body
4.Wisdom Body
5.Spiritual Body

Within the very inner layer called the spiritual body lies our human nature self, our spiritual self of”who we are”.

It’s to understand how to work through this 5 layers that are covering this core self. How do we learn to optimize our physical body, energetic body, emotional/mental body…to access more our wisdom and natural, human self.

From the perspective of Yoga Psychology we can work from both directions:Work from outside-in by working with the physical body, with physical practice and paying attention to nutrition to shift our inner layers and thought forms or from inside-out by understanding our thought patterns, shadows, and doing inner work, healing work of our wounds,emotional processing that will rebel out and have an effect on the energetic and physical body.

Coming back to my client’s story this client experienced treatment from outside-in first.How did we do this? We started with the outer layer called the physical body by applying osteopathy. The client was suffering from different kind of symptoms and pain in the body. After treating the outer layer “the physical body”, the door opened, and the client approached the inner layers such as the energetic body and the mental/emotional body. As Osteopathy used to be a treatment in silence and only focuses on the physical body, it isn’t part of this approach to support emotional and mental processes.For that reason, the sessions turned out to be a combination of osteopathy, somatic coaching and process work.

This combination of somatic coaching and process oriented psychology facilitation supported the client’s process of healing, self-exploration, development, and growth. We did inner work, shadow work, went through emotional and mental patterns.Different issues sat in the client’s tissue such as power, rank, and privilege at the workplace, longing for a romantic relationship, issues in the family of origin, dreaming about working on a cottage in the mountain in summer and quitting the job to fulfill that dream.

The client’s willingness to show courage, curiosity, and vulnerability helped her to start to listen on a deeper level to the body, the symptoms ,and the pain. The door has opened to access her body wisdom.

3 accesses to the body wisdom:

# Access 1: Compassion and vulnerability
All relationships begin with how you treat yourself. Healing and change can happen in our lives when we value our body and listen to the messages of our body.

#Access 2: Pain and body symptoms
To my point of view, the wisdom of the body means that we trust the symptoms and pain as a way of communication of our soul and sometimes the only way our soul can get the attention.

#Acess 3: Intuition and feelings
The wisdom of our body is also about to trust the inner guidance of our intuition, that reaches us through feeling our feelings instead of our intellectual understanding and knowledge.

There’s a saying from a psychosomatic perspective :
“Our issues live in our tissues. ” That means how our mental, emotional, traumatic experiences, wounds and patterns are embedded in our physical tissues.

That was more than obvious in my client’s case. What I loved about my client was how strongly she was committed to herself to walk the talk, to take responsibility for her life, to take care of herself, to have the courage and show vulnerability for the sake of self-love, change, and transformation in her life.

We worked through all layers over the time until we reached the layer of her spiritual body and her essence of who she is.She planted the seeds for her big dream to live and work on a cottage in the mountains for some time and to quit her job to make her dream become true.After one year of frequently coaching, process work and osteopathy her dream became true. She negotiated with her company and took time off to live and work on the cottage on the mountain in the summer.

After this summer break, she went back to work, and she feels better than she’s never felt before in her body, at work, and in her private life. The circumstances haven’t significantly changed but her relationship with herself. She shifted her inner perspective and her emotional motivations. She connected to her essence of who she is and changed her mental and emotional state, her awareness of nutrition and body movement. Her change went through all layers of her body first from outside in and then inside out. She learned to set healthy boundaries, to let go and to forgive. She’s out of feeling trapped and feels vitality, relaxation, and freedom within herself followed by gratitude and joy.She learned to take responsibility for herself, walked through all layers to touch the essence and home of who she is. Today she’s living her great story and creates her life by making conscious choices from inside out.

One of her comments:” On this journey of coaching and treatment I learned very impressively and sustainably how much wisdom is in the body and how much the body is talking/whispering non verbally and you need to listen only!”

My heart is filled with joy and gratitude having witnessed her and the emotional process of real change.May we listen to our body in a way that we can translate the signs, messages, and emotions.

What is your body telling you?And what are you dreaming about?

Do you like to know more about somatic coaching and body wisdom? Reach out; I would love to talk to you….you can contact me by emailing at: ab@annabelle-breuer.com

With great love,
Annabelle-C.Breuer-Udo

4 Essential Keys To Complete A Year And Get Ready For New Year

It is the season of winter and the arc of this year, 2017 comes to its end and the new arc for the new year 2018 will begin very soon.I’m a great advocate to complete an old year with intention and invite the new year intentionally. It is powerful and impactful for your wellbeing, for your body, your soul, and your mindset and your health and aliveness. It brings consciousness into this moment and this life.

4 Impactful Keys to support your transition:

#Key 1: Slowing Down And Review Of The Year
Winter, I love this time of the year. It is a beautiful season to withdraw and to slow down our monkey mind. The monkey mind where thoughts are jumping from one thing to another like a monkey is jumping from one tree to another. It is a time to reflect on your life with conscious awareness and to review the past seasons of this year. It is a time of incubation that can be used to ponder on a few questions such as :

What were the highlights and challenges this year?
What was disappointing and what went well?
What am I grateful for?
What is still open and not completed?
What do you want to let go and leave in the old year and what do you want to take within the new year?

A few days ago I took a break intentionally to set up the room beautifully with a candle, soft music in the background, a cup of tea and I journaled about these questions. After this time for myself, I felt very relieved in my body, freed up and well prepared for a completion ritual and invitation ritual.

#Key 2: Mindfulness With Our Body And In The Time Of Winter
Winter is related to the direction of north and the element of earth.If your earth element is out of balance, it calls us forth to be mindful and restore our body by balancing the physical activity and physical rest. It invites us to pay attention to nutrition to balance our physical body and to bring it back into connection and balance with the other elements within us.Overall it encourages us to bring consciousness into your physical life and to maintain self-care.Bring any movement/exercise in your physical life that brings you into contact with your body especially in winter.
What kind of movement/ exercise? Any kind!
For instance dancing like Salsa, climbing, hiking, gardening, tai chi, yoga……..
Especially in the time of winter and at the end of a year we lose connection to our body for reasons like feeling stressed out, laziness, weather conditions etc. Often we prefer to stay more indoor, tending to turn into couch potatoes, eating more unhealthy food.
This season I’ve committed to mindful running frequently during the week no matter what the weather and temperature conditions are like and I’ve stayed tuned to practicing yoga regularly. I’ve paid attention to healthy nutrition to give my immune system a boost.It is such a great experience and makes me feel very vitalized. I can only recommend it, everybody.

#Key 3: Rituals For Completion And Invitation
In the wheel of a year, we can create powerful rituals frequently. One necessary ritual in the wheel of a year is the transition from the old year to the new year to my point of view. It completes a year and the arc of 4 seasons and gives clarification. At the same time, it invites the new year the arc of the next 4 seasons with great awareness. We can practice detachment of anything that’s no longer serving us, cleansing and empty our mindset to open space in our brain, renew the space consciously to plant the seeds for the new year and new beginnings.

Have you ever had the experience of a ritual? What was the impact on you?

I love setting up rituals and celebrations and practicing them. It is great fun and a profound experience to do it with somebody together or in a group. For instance my husband and I we love doing rituals together. It is bonding for us and for myself, it connects me to myself, to my essence of who I am, to my center and soul, to my magnificence. For both of us, it expands consciousness and gives clarification.

#Key 4: Setting Intentions For A New Year
Often I hear the question what the difference between setting the intention and setting goals is? There’s a difference between goal setting and setting intentions. Setting intentions is a clear statement of being connected to your feelings. It is about checking in with the most profound essence of yourself to ask yourself questions such as:

What changes do you want to see in your next year?
How do you want to feel inside in 2018?
What is the word or the theme for 2018 for you?

By receiving the answers, feel your body sensation and bring it into manifestation. Bring the feeling into your body and observe where do you feel it in your body, in which part of your body do you feel the feeling of love or peace or freedom as an example?
As soon as you bring your desired feeling in your body, it begins to set roots into the present life and consensus reality.

Before setting the intentions, it is significant to be clear about what you want in 2018 and what are you longing and seeking for? Be aware of the motivation and ensure that you come from a place where you manifest what you want “now” and in the present moment rather than coming from a place of an old story or the experience.

Setting intentions is a powerful experience to my point of view, and I integrate it very often into my daily life by setting my intention for a day, too.

I was also asking myself the questions according to 2018 that I mentioned above. In this process, I became aware of a dysbalance in my life between giving and receiving I experienced for some years. I loved giving to others and still do. However, I forgot to give myself from time to time and to receive. It was more like that I gave the mask of oxygen others first before I gave it to me.It ended with feelings of exhaustion and sometimes resentment as the glass was empty.

Giving and receiving belongs together. From my today’s perspective and my learning from the past, it is necessary to give the mask of oxygen first oneself with a few exceptions. I want to be more at ease and to enjoy receiving and giving from an overflowing glass of water instead from an empty glass in 2018.

It is also on my list of intentions for 2018 to set healthy and flexible boundaries to cultivate balance in life. That includes being mindful and paying attention to certain things. Wondering what nurtures me, which relationships/ friendships are sustaining, what groups are cultivating, what kind of work is feeding, what kind of activities/ exercises, what kind of food is nourishing?

Another intention of the new year coming deeply from my heart is to contribute to the healing of certain world issues whether it happens individually or in group settings and to spread hope for more peace in this turmoil of today’s world.

I’m highly motivated to settle down the roots more and more in the new home, new culture and to ground.I’m excited about all the new possibilities coming up in 2018, and I’m hopeful for the new path of career and life here in 2018.
It is time to focus on what is most aligned with my deepest desires and needs.

I hope you will complete this year with high conscious and you will have a great start to the new year.
May your dreams become true in 2018! And may you feel the knowing that we are all held in the great fabric called “Life”.

Happy new year!

Do you like to know more about setting intentions and rituals? Reach out; I would love to talk to you….you can contact me to set up a call by emailing at: ab@annabelle-breuer.com
And stay tuned for upcoming events in 2018 on my husbands’ and my facebook event side : http://www.facebook.com/annabelleokokonevents

With gratitude,
A.-C.Breuer-Udo

My Experience Of Undoubtedly Connection To All And The Feeling Of “Oneness”

In this Blog I will travel with you in the first part through my experience of “ONENESS,” and in the second part, I will reflect on “ONENESS” and SEPARATION in today’s world. Enjoy traveling with me!

Recently somebody asked me do you remember an incident where you felt at ONE with the Universe and undoubtedly connected to all?
Me: “Yes, I do indeed. This moment was intense and priceless.”

It was on a beautiful summer day when I was outdoors in the mountains for hiking, I stopped at the river, that crossed my path, and I took a pause.I was sitting on a stone and connecting with nature, observing the beautifully clear, blue water of the river.I was listening to the flow of water and the singing birds around me.The smell of the air was crystal clear, and the feeling of the cool water on my hands and feet was very refreshing.My thoughts were coming and going, and I could literally feel how I sunk deeper and deeper into nature.
It was an experience where I felt held so firmly by nature and something bigger, and in this moment I got an image of two big hands, sitting and leaning in them and I felt full of trust and enveloped into boundless love.

At this time I had no words to express this experience.Today I describe it as the experience with the higher intelligence-an intelligence what’s more than us.
This moment made me feel like I’m nature and nature is me. And I thought what I see in you, you can see in me, I can see it in everyone, and everyone can see it in me-we’re all one.

My whole body felt relaxed, my heart wide open, tears of joy were running, and the sparkling energy of life run through my whole body.I felt so at peace in that moment. I can still feel it as if it was yesterday and it is imprinted on my whole system. Meanwhile, there are more events that allow me to feel and see the “oneness” in daily life frequently. For instance moments with my husband, at work when I’m working with my clients, with specific friends or in a circle of nurturing people.

Those moments are precious and priceless, and I’m feeling in Awww!

We’re knowing a lot, yet we don’t know everything, there’s a higher intelligence that is with us, and that is connecting us.
This deep feeling of knowing that there is something more than this mundane existence. A deep feeling of the ONE, that is beyond us, but still us.

Where in your life do you have moments of feeling the ONE and undoubtedly connected to all “others”?

MY REFLECTION OF “ONENESS” AND SEPARATION IN TODAY’S WORLD

We’re living in a time of turmoil that can quickly create separation and on the other hand, it is a time of great awakening and illumination. The dysbalance and tension are to experience in front of our door daily. Because of this, the moments of oneness I mentioned above are essential for oneself and our society in order to bring more healing, connection, collaboration, wholeness, and illumination into today’s world and walk from illusion towards truth.

It’s notable a dysbalance of our minds and collective minds, in our consciousness and unmanifested nature that can lead us to separation and destructive conflicts rather than constructive conflicts and oneness. Therefore it is necessary to become aware of states of separation to balance the dysbalance and create a field of resonance instead of dissonance.

It is advisable to learn to understand the impact and different function of our mindset that often guides us to separation to my point of view.

What does happen in times of separation with our body and mind?

My observation of people to consider them holistically is aligned with the perspective of Yoga Psychology. This aspect contemplates body-mind AND soul as interconnected.
In Yoga Psychology the body consists of 5 layers imaginable like an onion. One layer is called the mental/emotional/mind layer, and it contains our mind stuff, story’s, thought patterns, beliefs, responses, reactions, feelings.

In my reflection, the focus is on one of the 5 layers-the mental/emotional/mind layer according to our soul/spirit and its function and impact on separation.
According to this layer during imbalance, our pure souls and spirits are trapped in false identifications of self.
The mind layer can quickly become disturbed by thought patterns, traumas, core wounds, false beliefs that guide to feelings of separation, not belonging and suffering.

And we all have life experiences carrying in our backpack of little to significant traumas and small to large wounds.
“Yoga psychology recognizes the sources of human suffering as humans’ false identification with this “separate” self (Turner, 2017, p.35).”

For that reason, I’m a great advocate of taking responsibility and being disciplined to do our inner work daily, to do bodywork frequently, to bring consciousness towards wholeness/oneness, to bring consciousness into form and to bring balance into our body-mind-soul system.

If we focus on our mental/emotional/ mind layer, it’s about to learn to observe our mind with curiosity, to observe what we’re thinking, to observe our stories and narratives running through our head, to observe our emotions and our feelings in our body and our selfs. It is about to aim wholeness by integrating the unconscious parts such as impulses, emotional residue, complexes and defense behavior with conscious awareness.It’s not about being joyful all the time. It’s not necessary that we’re seeking joy all the time. That is not realistic, it’s not the truth, and it’s not nature of reality.
It is natural that the waves of life appear in the dualities or polarities such as ups and downs, insides and outs, the beauty and ugliness of life.

How can we contribute to making a difference?

One significant step is to understand this layer of our body and to”understand the mind; study the mind; and know this machinery well, and also know how to manage it ( Swami Sivananda).” Another step to contribute to change is to do our inner work frequently and integrate it into our bodies just as you brush your teeth.

You may know the saying “our issues lie in our tissues.”

And followed by these steps above we might ride our waves of life with a greater awareness and inner state of contentment and inner peace.

If we learn and enhance to understand oneself more deeply, we can understand each other much better on different levels. Deeper Understanding can guide to deeper connections and more intimate( into me see) relationships and more “ONENESS.” It can lead to a whole resonant field and create powerful relationships everywhere. “Resonance is where physics meets psyche. When we are in resonance with each other, we can create powerful transformation and the natural evolution of energy and consciousness (Turner, 2017).”

I hope more people will be committed to themselves and do their inner work, bodywork and shadow work. My experience of inner work, bodywork and shadow work helped me to get breakthroughs in life. It’s beneficial and has a massive impact on creating “ONENESS” and abundance in life and today’s world.

Do you like to know more about inner work, bodywork or shadow work? Reach out; I would love to talk to you….
ab@annabelle-breuer.com

Transform your life from inside out and outside in!

Annabelle-C. Breuer-Udo is a Certified Professional Coach(ACC), Osteopath and TriYoga Instructor.She is experienced in bodywork & coaching, somatic coaching, great story coaching, relationship coaching, process-oriented psychology, and self-leadership.

The Wave Of “Me Too” And 4 Impactful Steps Of Healing

The recent wave of “Me Too” touched my heart deeply and made me very thoughtful. What can we change?

In the past weeks, I had a few conversations with my husband about this issue of “Me Too”, and I shared my sorrow and hope with him. Now it’s time to share it publicly. I hope we’ll keep this big, huge wave of “Me Too” in our presence and start or continue the healing process. This big courageous step of women voicing publicly and showing their deep wounds and vulnerability needs to be held with compassion and tenderness for more than only a few days.

If we think about how long the issue has existed, we cannot expect that any healing process can be achieved in just a few days.

Now and as a next step, it is required to continue the “Me Too” process that just opened in the field and was felt strongly all over the world.

The challenging part is to stay with persistence and patience and to make a healthy shift happen. We tend to escape and run away from this central issue as we often do when it becomes narrow and heavy. It’s also a kind of natural reaction in us human beings. To speak generally, all issues that have cycled for years in our world and have been repeated become louder and bubble to the surface in today’s world. People aren’t withholding anymore, and silent voices are coming out more.

It is part of the 21st century – the time of transition and the time of illumination and awakening in our world.

The crises and turmoils in our world are necessary to wake us up, to raise our consciousness in order to make the shift in our time of transition happen. Crises and tensions such as world issues or natural disasters or just in daily relationships are useful energies to become more conscious and to learn from each other.

What is important in a process of crises and tensions?
To my point of view, it’s important to get every process going until a state of balance is reached again and going from there to following the natural flow of the river in daily life. This is how I see moving forward and making changes is possible.I feel like we often stay stuck in polarities and bounce back into the old pattern what keeps us from balancing a process- a process such as “me too”. We aren’t trusting enough the natural flow of processes. The tendencies of human natures are often to repress a process or to interrupt it before it’s completed or we’re holding onto the old pattern, structures, and habits and trying to control them because of a lack of trust into new and unknown. And actually in the unknown is the magic and wonder happening.

What we often forget is, that we don’t know everything. There’s a higher intelligence than our human intelligence that knows more. We need to trust more this higher intelligence!

I hope that we all – men and women – in our today’s society worldwide will ride the wave so that we break the cycle of abuse of power, violence, and harm for the sake of healthy, loving and equal relationships. I’m pointing out again that there’s a huge necessity to open our eyes.
It’s time to face this issue of abuse of power in all forms, whether in environments and cultures or at home, in our neighborhoods, at work, in schools, in kindergarten, in the circle of our colleagues, relatives, friends…..

My sorrow is that we miss this opportunity of healing the old and new wounds and keep them fed and bleeding. The responsibility lies in all of us (perpetrators, victims, and witnesses) to do the inner work of healing. I believe that all who haven’t been affected by sexual abuse, harassment or assault directly are witnesses. For that reason, I think we all have some responsibility on this central issue of our time.

Some of us may ask: why do we all need to do the inner work and healing process?

It is because a foundational shift in our consciousness needs to happen regarding the power between men and women and feminine and masculine energy within us.

My concern is that if we don’t make a shift and change in our consciousness, we will repeat the mistakes of the past and the cycle of traumatizing relationships and environment will continue.

The world was dominated by men and masculine energy for more than 5000 years. Before those 5000 years, the systems and world were more in balance. It’s time and necessary to turn it around so that we can balance the world and heal the planet again. What does that mean? Women and our feminine energy in all of us are needed more than ever, for the sake of balancing the world. What is the feminine/masculine energy within us? The feminine is our part of feeling, our intuition/ instinct, creativity, and emotions. It’s the part of receiving and being. In contrary to the female energy within us does the masculine energy describe the part of thinking. It’s the part of acting and logical, rational behavior. The world has been driven more by the masculine energy of doing for years.

To my point of view, men need to step more back and into the role of supporter and protector of the sacred feminine space to support the women in their healing process of those traumas, those traumas that were also carried on from generation to generation. This is how we can all contribute to healing the chaos and messiness of the world today. I sense that women need to step more into their leadership in front and lead with the feminine energy and quality of vulnerability, intuition, and emotions. And men need to lead more from the side or behind, hold the space and start to integrate their feminine side-the emotional, vulnerable, intuitional and creative side.

And we all-women and men- need to learn to lead more from the feminine energy within all of us or let us guide by it.

Men and women need to co-create!

As the elder Ilarion Merculief expresses, “Recovering the sacred feminine is the central issue of our times.” This process of healing the central issue of our time needs to happen individually and collectively!

I’m convinced this is also a big challenge and on the other side one that is worth taking. Some elders have already foreseen long ago that the sacred feminine within all of us needs to be healed for the sake of healing the world, breaking cycles of past violence and creating a more peaceful world.

4 powerful steps of healing in this order:

1. Awareness: become aware and being aware of the trauma of harassment, assault or abuse.This realization happens in one’s mindset. This can be facilitated by somebody with healing, coaching and/or therapeutical experience.

2. Acknowledgment: walking through the process of awareness of this life experience by acknowledging oneself followed by self-acceptance. This is an emotional process that includes a lot of grieving and holding the space for grieving with compassion and tenderness. Real change is an emotional process and is necessary to be felt in one’s body to integrate it and for the sake of wholeness. This can happen by doing the healing journaling or can be facilitated by a professional healer, coach and/or therapist.

3. Forgiveness: forgiving the unforgivable by doing “healing rituals”.

4. Letting go: release and let go anyone or anything who keeps one from the highest good by doing “letting go rituals”.

I encourage us all to be willing and open to working on this central issue together. Create groups and circles and reach out to somebody who could give you healing rituals and who might facilitate the processes. And if you feel a need to start individually that’s perfectly fine too.

I trust an average of human natures is willing to make a shift in our consciousness happen based on this wave of “Me Too” and I hope we all together can make change happen regarding the abuse of power between men and women for the sake of balancing our world and more peace.

Annabelle-C. Breuer-Udo is a Leadership Coach, Relationship Coach, Process Facilitator, Psychotherapist and TriYoga Instructor at Transformation from Inside-Out. Contact her and send an email at: ab@annabelle-breuer.com for information about how coaching, process facilitation, and bodywork can transform your life and make your life feel better, make you achieve greater fulfillment in your relationship.

10 Tiny (But Powerful) Everyday Tricks To Overcome Anxiety & Depression

You can free yourself from anxiety.

How many times have you felt “I’m not courageous enough to show up and be visible”? How many times have you felt “I’m not self-confident enough to open my mouth and voice what I’m sensing, perceiving, and thinking”?

How many times have you felt small enough and powerless to fit into some role? How many times have you handed over the power and responsibility to somebody who didn’t have your full interest at heart? How many times have you pleased others, just to be loved?

How many times have you adjusted to fit into a group, team, circle, or relationship to be acknowledged and accepted? How many times have you told yourself “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t”, “I’m not strong enough”, and “I’m not confident enough”?

Anxiety on its own or in partnership with depression can make us feel imprisoned and constricted and withhold us from living a courageous and passionate life. Every time anxiety and depression wins, our hearts close the door and love lost.

In this article, I will offer you a non-traditional view of anxiety and depression. I will come from a different place and show another additional perspective. I will not treat it here as an illness or disorder.

My point of view here is to explore it from an emotional place and regard it as sadness or repressed emotions. I distinguish between emotions and feelings. In my point of view, emotions make us feeling narrow and resistant in our body and feelings make us open and fulfilled in our body.

Emotions, such as loneliness, worthlessness, betrayal, anger, hurt, and anxiety, can imprison us and create a restriction. Whereas feelings such as love, happiness, hope, optimism, excitement, and joy create expansion.

Being stuck in anxiety and repressed feelings make it difficult to feel self-love, being loved, belonging, and welcoming.

In case what you are experiencing has psychological or biological roots, I advise to reach out for getting help and an opinion from a psychotherapeutic or medical provider.

Some coaches with medical or psychotherapeutic backgrounds may help too if they are experts in the field of depression and anxiety and able to work on it in crossing the edge to overcome depression and anxiety.

I will provide you a beautiful little list daily life practice to overcome anxiety and depression. For those who are affected by it as an illness or disorder, this little regular supports are useful as an addition.

Recently, I went out for a beautiful walk in nature. Nature is an essential resource for me in my life. It opens my heart and invites me to my creative side.

Last time, when I visited nature, I’ve started brainstorming about anxiety and depression and I wondered what it would be to live a life more coming from a place of love and courage rather than from a place of anxiety and depression?

How freeing it would be? What difference would it make to you in your daily life? And what is needed to get to this place?

Anxiety and depression make our heart close and shuts us down from feeling. When we shut down from feeling our feelings and emotions, we disconnect from our body and mind and soul, from life and intimate relationships.

Emotions and feelings are the bridge to connect our mind with our body. They are life-giving, in case we let them flow through our body like a river and let them come and go. Very often as adults we tend to stick to one emotion for a long time such as anxiety.

Children show us the opposite. Imagine children, how emotional they can be, and how alive at the same time. In one second they are angry, in the next second, they are crying, and then after another second, they are smiling.

It is said that children only keep an emotion for 90 seconds. After 90 seconds, they let go and another emotion arises. It is so natural such as waves coming and going. We as adults often fear to feel emotions and feelings or stay stuck in one or trying to control them by our mind and rational being.

Nature is one resource for me to connect with my natural flow of feelings and emotions, to my heart, and to my feminine creative side. All of it creates aliveness and passion for life within me.

Healthy relationships, such as my marriage and my friendships, are another source to let those feelings of aliveness and passion flow. It can stop being dominated or controlled by anxiety and depression.

In nature and healthy relationships, it is possible to surrender to the waves of emotions and feelings very quickly. It gives a feeling of being enveloped in unconditional love and anxiety moves in the background.

All kind of emotions such as anxiety, sorrow, sadness, worthlessness, not being lovable, and loneliness becomes very little by being in nature and healthy relationships. The trust of the feeling of unconditional love, happiness, hope, and optimism can increase. It gives a sense of belonging.

What I’d like to express is that it is powerful to nurture one’s resources regularly as nature or healthy relationships or daily routines and rituals such as Yoga. Those resources can simulate a safe container where you can let go and surrender fully to forget about anxiety and depression and open to trust and love.

Depression and anxiety relate to each other, and it is common to feel anxiety and sadness from time to time, especially during and after a transition in life, after a difficult event, a loss (such as a friend or a job), or distressing project, and time.

Both create disconnection and separation from your true inner self and your soul.

Anxiety makes only sense if it is limited. Otherwise, we would run into the fire without feeling a limited source of anxiety. When we are driven and controlled by anxiety, we imprison oneself and lose energy, power, and passion for life.

The symptoms of depression and anxiety can vary among individuals if it drives one for a while. Those symptoms become remarkable when they have a significant impact on daily life functioning and relationships with others.

Below you’ll find an overview of a few common symptoms of depression and anxiety. Usually, depression is treated as an illness, psychological, biological, or spiritual disorder.

Here are the 11 common symptoms of depression, which includes physical symptoms:

1.Feeling sad
2.Feeling hopeless
3.Feeling empty
4.Loss of interest in activities
5.Loss of appetite
6.Loss of sexual interest
7.Feeling of worthlessness
8.Sleeping disturbance.
9.Back pain
10.Headache
11.Chest pain

Here are the 10 common symptoms of anxiety, which include physical symptoms:

1.Extreme worries about daily things
2.Out of control of those intense sorrows
3.Rushing thoughts
4.Irritability
5.Sleeping disturbance
6.Fatigue
7.Muscle tension
8.Increased heart rate
9.Nausea
10.Fast breathing

Depression affects 20 million Americans and 350 million people worldwide every year. And this number doesn’t give an idea or overview about the number of people who are burdened by sadness, loneliness, worthlessness, hurt or anger that is neither biological nor psychological, nor spiritual in nature.

From a psychological view, the depressed and anxious one is the problem, which means one is helpless, has unresolved problems with family members, or something else.

In the spiritual view, the depressed and anxious one is the problem because they have not found the spiritual connection yet.

In the biological and social depression approach, one is the problem too. This means that they are not working correctly or one is isolated too much from society.

In all of these perspectives, the human being is the problem. But depression and anxiety are not seen as if life and the circumstances of life can be the problem and the cause.

Here, I would like to give you the opportunity to turn your perspective as if life circumstances causing emotions, such as anxiety and depression of emotions like sorrow, sadness, worthlessness, not being lovable, and loneliness.

It can be sadness about life itself, it can be sadness and sorrow about one’s circumstances, it can be sadness and worthlessness about the self and repressing emotions such as anxiety, hurt, betrayal, loneliness, and worthlessness.

In life we only have to main motors for our human doing:

°The motor of avoidance of emotions such as anxiety. (We avoid feeling anxiety, hurt, worthlessness, and loneliness, which may cause depression.)
°The motor of love.

Which motor do you choose to get your body-mind-soul system going and driving through life? Is it that motor of avoidance and anxiety or could it be the motor of love? What motor is serving you best, get you going and moving you forward in life? What motor do you feed?

From my view, the medicine is called love.

Love is the power of healing what makes it overcome anxiety and depression in daily life. We can organize us new and find new beginnings, but we need to follow the force of love and to start within oneself. What does it mean and how is it related to depression and anxiety?

It means that we start to build a loving relationship with yourself. At the stage of anxiety or depression, one has lost connection to one’s inner home and inner world.

Women need to come back to their authentic being and inner place of home. Men need to come back to their authentic being and inner place of home.

This means that all of us need to create a loving relationship with our inner woman and inner man, inner child, and inner adult and balance them. We need to become aware of that we all have a soul and life purpose, and we need to find and connect or reconnect to it.

The path and goal are to get connected to our core center, soul and life purpose, and inner balance. It is about taking 100 percent responsibility for our emotions and feelings especially in times when life isn’t in the flow.

Emotions and feelings are not as bad as we were taught by our generations before. Without emotions and feelings, we were an empty body.

I encourage to open the heart and feel with compassion all narrow emotions such as anxiety, sadness, sorrow, loneliness, hopelessness, worthlessness, and all feelings which create expansion such us happiness, love, excitement, optimism, hope, and joy.

At the moment when you start feeling those emotions and feelings, they don’t have the destructive power anymore and they become integrated within us instead of creating walls.

The way is to make them aware in our mind as the first step. As the second step, we need to acknowledge and accept them in our body by integrating them as if they belong to us.

It is necessary to give them a place within us as an act of self-love. Those emotions of our shadow side are as normal as the darkness and the night. Without perceiving and sensing the darkness or the night, one can’t perceive a wonderful sunrise.

It requires courage, compassion, and persistence to go through those emotions such as anxiety rather than park it aside, bypass it and ignore it or stay stuck in it.

It is not a healthy and sustainable solution from my point of view to repress it. It is about to trust love again, to be vulnerable and to access the path of love and passion within oneself instead of being dominated and constricted by emotions such as anxiety which discourage us from life.

For that, I recommend changing your perspective within you radically. You need to be willing and a hundred percent committed to yourself to do inner work and to walk your walk for the sake of self-love, self-esteem, and self-care.

Real change is an emotional process. Live a life from inside-out rather than from outside-in. That means your emotion and feelings what you create inside you create the outside world and events and not the reverse. That means that the more you feel self-love and self-esteem within yourself, the more love from outside will knock on your door.

Meanwhile, the more anxiety you feel within you and the more you stay stuck in it, the more you will see the world or have it appear as dangerous.

And the question is, are you living the life that is right for you at the time? Or are you living a life someone else wishes you to live and it is not in the balance with your soul’s purpose, but change is challenging because of anxiety and depression?

From time to time we miss listening to our inner self because we are so distracted by outside noises or sabotage programs. Suddenly something from outside wakes us up and give a bump to make us aware.

Anxiety and depression may be seen as a wake-up call to listen to oneself again.

Is your soul giving you some clues to some change in your life?

How to overcome anxiety starts with these 13 little things you can do everyday:

1.Create your daily routines and daily rituals.

°Morning ritual: Take 10 minutes every morning and set your intention for the new day.

°Evening Routine: Go to bed at the same time every evening and get enough hours of sleep, regularly.

°Evening Ritual: Close the day with answering 3 questions: What went very well and successful this day? What filled me with joy today? What am I grateful for today?

2. Visit nature, if possible, everyday.

3. Pay attention to nutrition and healthy food: Particularly to Vitamin D, Vitamin B, and Omega-3 fatty acid.

4. Take a one-minute break daily to be aware of the breath and breathe consciously.

5. Meditate.

6. Do yoga: There are 3 sequences you can try — the Daily 3, Daily 5, or Daily 10.

7. Drink enough water a day.

8. Take 5 minutes of silence to connect to your emotions and feelings.

9. Take a bath with Epsom salt to balance your acid-base household at least once a week.

10. Journal everyday for about 10 minutes about your emotions and feelings.

New habits need 21-30 days of repetition to be integrated. I highly recommend practicing a few things from the list for 30 days. After 30 days, check in within yourself to be aware of the difference you’ll notice.

I encourage to learn to ride the wave of emotions and feelings in order to get the gifts out of it and to explore the motor and medicine of love. Avoidance creates a wall around oneself. Staying stuck in anxiety creates separation in my experience.

We all seek for connection and interconnectedness. And what does connect us? It is love. Yet, it is the choice of oneself what motor will drive the car, means what do you choose to be driven by in life? By love or by anxiety?

Embracing change is often fearful and a place of vulnerability and yet without change, we do not grow. Real change is an emotional process in my experience. And to my point of view, the answer is always love. My wish for you is following the river of love.

Annabelle-C. Breuer-Udo is a Leadership Coach, Relationship Coach, Process Facilitator, Psychotherapist and TriYoga Instructor at Transformation from Inside-Out. Contact her and send an email at: ab@annabelle-breuer.com for information about how coaching, process facilitation, and bodywork can transform your life and make your life feel better, make you achieve greater fulfillment in your relationship.

16 Beautiful Signs A Man Truly, Truly Loves You

For some, it takes longer relationships to arrive at this one heart and to experience true love.

Recently I was driving with a close friend in the car and we were having love talk conversations. Out of heaven, she asked me how do you know that a man truly loves you?

How do you know that this love is true, honest, and coming deep from his heart?

Well, in my case, I felt it from the first moment that my heart and soul feels at home in somebody’s heart and soul. I trust my body as GPS & navigation system.

In my body, it’s my intuition and gut feeling which shows me the direction. Both gave me the green light from the very first moment when I met my true love.

In situations where I need to make a decision or to find a solution I check in with my GPS body wisdom and wonder: “What does my mind tell me and what does my heart tell me?”

After listening, I follow the answer of my inner voice and the feeling of my heart and gut, as I believe my heart knows my way of truth. As soon as I feel a resistance in my gut feeling, I know there’s something I should pay attention on and proof before walking the path further on.

I think you feel it and know it from the first moment you date somebody. There’s such a strong attraction and bonding driven by authentic powerful energy. You can feel this connection and flow of love in your whole body.

A feeling that makes you sure that there is something special, something big between you and him. A feeling that gives you an idea of true love.

Heart beats, warm feelings around your heart, excitement like a little child in a candy store, butterfly in your tummy, a strong attraction, and all of those reactions are happening in a state of true love.

All kind of these feelings shows a strong bond between you and him. But most important is, that those feelings sustain and you both still feel it after the first arc of dating.

My husband and I still have these feelings in our body and we’ve been a couple for a while. We can’t get enough of each other.

I love when we’re brave to meet true, honest, and heartfelt love in life. For me, it’s the most beautiful experience we can make in life. And I love it, even more, when we open our hearts to receive love and the true love is coming into our life.

When we’ve arrived at one’s heart, and it feels like coming home, it’s priceless! I believe it’s also about how much you love yourself.

You can be loved so much and love somebody true when you do your inner work, self-reflection, and take care of yourself and love yourself truly from inside out. There it is where true heart to heart connection happens.

For some, it takes longer or several relationships to arrive at this one heart and to experience true love. And for some, it’s right away the first man in life. It’s as if a child learns to walk.

Children fall down and get up again, fall down and get up before they learn to walk first time in life. Some learn to walk faster and some are slower in the process of learning until they arrive. But they never give up!

With that, if you want to know if a man loves you, watch for these 16 signs:

1.He gives you a feeling of coming home.
2.He takes care of you and nurtures you with attention and tenderness.
3.He takes time to listen to you.
4.He’s committed to you 100 percent and creates rituals and routines with you.
5.He doesn’t run away from conflicts.
6.He’s open, honest, and transparent to you. Your opinion, your feelings, and your dreams in life are meaningful to him.
7.He treats you respectfully and holds you as creative, resourceful, and whole.
8.He dances with you through daily life and takes your love fully in.
9.He is passionate about making love and focuses on you instead of claiming only his space and needs 10.and doing a one man show.
11.He always wants the best for you and doesn’t harm you.
12.He supports you in your growing and developing in life and acknowledges you.
13.He loves you unconditionally.
14.He’s sharing interests, adventures, and hobbies with you and is having diverse conversations.
15.He laughs, smiles, grieves, and cries with you.
16.He’s crazy about you.

Why is it important to distinguish is true love and dependence on somebody?

True love isn’t controlling. It doesn’t make you powerless and isn’t abusive. It gives space to still do things on your own, gives you space to grow and develop in your life. It nurtures you and fulfills you, it challenges you and supports you.

It makes you smile and laugh. It makes you dance in the rain. It’s unconditional.

I trust one day you’ll get this feeling and knowledge of this man who makes your heart and soul feel at home!

Annabelle-C. Breuer-Udo is a Leadership Coach, Relationship Coach, Process Facilitator, Psychotherapist and TriYoga Instructor at Transformation from Inside-Out. Contact her for information about how coaching, process facilitation, and bodywork can transform your life and make your life feel better, make you achieve greater fulfillment in your relationship.

Listen, Listen, Listen………..

Listen, Listen, Listen…….
Listen To Your Body & Feelings, Listen To The Message Of Pain, Sitting with our feelings And Being In The Power Of Unity
How many times have you ignored your pain, whether emotionally or physically? How many times have you repressed both emotional and physical pain by taking painkillers? How many times have you avoided to feel your feelings & emotions by running away or escaping?How many times have you calmed the symptoms instead of seeking the roots?
When we feel pain, we tend to overrun it and forget that it is the way how our body let us know that it needs attention. Body symptoms can inform us. Feelings can enlighten us. For instance, a sore throat can tell us to rest our voice, or it can give us the hint of expressing what’s cooking by voicing it, headaches can be a sign of stress or that we’re hungry. All too often we ignore our feelings or park them aside and avoid to dealing with them and in the same way we are usually with body pain and symptoms. If we avoid dealing with them, we’ll contain them in our bodies and minds, and this is when pain, anxiety or other health issues can come up.
All those signals are wake up calls to give our body-mind-soul system attention. If we ignore those messages, the condition could become worse, and we create a disconnection between our minds and bodies.
Beside physical pain and symptoms, the emotional pain gives us also valuable messages about our psyche and soul status. It’s a sign for that we’ve been affected by something that needs awareness and focuses on our inner world. Sitting in the waves of feelings, no matter how scary it might be, is the best thing we can do for ourselves and trusting our power of self-healing forces within us. Our feelings and emotions just want to be seen, heard and felt. Sometimes we make it too complicated, and we try to analyze or find solutions, etc etc…the broader purpose of our feelings and emotions is to transform our inner world, opening the space for more feelings, giving the opportunity to grow and following the river of flow.
If we listen to both emotional and physical pain/ symptoms, we’ll know what to do and how to heal ourselves.
It’s normal and human nature that we avoid to listen and to feel pain, symptoms and feelings/ emotions. We live in a culture where it was not used to support the awareness of emotions, feelings, and pain. I hope more people become courageous and open to their vulnerability to take a moment to listen to the valuable message of the pain or symptom either physical or emotional and to sit with feelings before repressing and numbing it.
All we need to do is to give the process permission by leaning in, opening and receiving the messages of feelings, emotions, and pain.
There are some opportunities to ease one’s heart and soul and to make the process more powerful. One option, it’s called ” Healing Writing or Journaling .” Sitting together in a small group-being instructed by an expert/ coach and writing together and sharing the process after. This is a powerful experience of first listen to the messages of your feelings, symptoms/pain, secondly writing about what’s cooking inside and thirdly sharing one’s experiences in a small group, in a circle of trust and choice to be witnessed and acknowledged on this journey of discovery.
This is the power of unity and acknowledgment in that present moment of sharing and seeing each other. The elder Orland Bishop explains “at its deepest level this “seeing ” is essential to human freedom.”
Overall listen to the message is all about healing.
Be brave and listen to the messages of your feelings, symptoms, and pain to free you up!

Annabelle Breuer-Udo

Authority and Obedience – The Impact of Leadership, Power, Rank

In one of my review papers, Milgram’s experiment on authority and obedience was regarded in terms of the historical context, the impact on the science of psychology and the concept of the agentic shift. It shows the impact of leadership and the impact of power and rank on human beings.

Milgram’s studies, in 1960, and 1974 have had a tremendous impact and influence on the field of psychology, and the impact on ethical responsibility and respect. The outcome of these studies were that participants were capable of following the experimenter the whole way through till the bitter end. They handed over their responsibilities to authority and followed his orders.This result shocked the world on the one side and on the other side it has opened eyes in the field of psychology to see how human behaviors can change in certain situations. It has contributed enormously to our understanding of human, cognition.

It is important to point out, that this experiment was taken after the previous time of World War II. Adolf Eichmann was a German Nazi SS lieutenant and one of the major organizers of the Holocaust. He was managing the mass deportation of Jews in the World War II. He said, “ he had simply been carrying out others people’s orders “ ( Eysenck, 2009, p. 455). It demonstrated the link between obedience on authorities and loosing courage to take own responsibility to avoid harm. It also shows the influence of power on individuals, groups, society and what happens, if it will be abused by authorities. His researches appeared in a time of history where a significant change happened in the history of psychology, between 1960, and 1970. There was a breakthrough in the history of psychology, where the cognitive revolution, was described as a paradigm shift.

Milgram as a jew had the holocaust clearly in mind as the idea when we are talking about the agentic shift. Yet his research and follow-up studies years after providing evidence that this phenomenon is not only related to culture. It is a phenomenon in human beings and behavior in general.

In the years after the outcome of his experiment on authority and obedience, Milgram’s study, was analyzed and observed critically by different researchers. In follow-up studies carried out in the US, the connection was validated between authority and obedience in various environments. Some key studies have shown that this phenomenon of obedience related to authorities is still an issue in working fields. This includes doctor’s and nurses, teacher’s, students, private circumstances between parents and children and also in the context of cross-cultural environments. In Milgram’s research (1974) and in Blass methodological replications 35 years later, it’s shown that according to gender there’s no difference to be found between men and women.

The influence of authority, rank, and power in the relationship between doctor’s and nurses appeared in “a real-life study“(Eysenck, 2009, p. 458) of Hofling et al.(1966). Nurses followed the doctor’s orders, although their inner wisdom told them the order would have had negative consequences. The nurses didn’t follow their inner voice of consciousness and avoid acting.

In relation to gender difference between men and, woman Milgram (1974) found out, that it makes no difference. Men reacted, similar to women, in authority and obedience.
Some years later in a pivotal study by Band and Smith (1996), the investigation of power and obedience in a cross-cultural context showed a high percentage.“The percentage of totally obedient participants was very high in several countries“(Eysenck, 2009, p. 458).
In 1997 in a study by Lesar, Bricelad, and Stein the result of obedience between doctor’s and nurses was similar compared to the result in 1966.
It shows that nothing has changed over 30 years regarding obedience on authority and using of power and rank.It seems that these phenomena are still an ongoing issue in our society, today.

In the next part, it is considered, the concept of the agentic shift in Milgram’s years. It describes a handover of responsibility to an authority’s order or system. The participants became an “instrument of authority”(Eysenck, 2009, p. 458) where they didn’t react consciously anymore and where they lost their responsibility of acting and leadership of life.”Someone in the agentic state thinks “I’m not responsible because I was ordered to do it!”(Eysenck, 2009, p. 458). The autonomous state shifts to an agentic state. In Hofling’s study, the agentic study is described in situations where nurses obeyed to authorities and were following the hierarchy system in hospitals.As explained by Burger (2009)”Our culture socializes individuals to obey certain authority figures, such as police officers, teachers, and parents”.

Still today the theory of obedience to authority isn’t clarified completely. Although Milgram assumed, that every person has either a tendency on obedience to authority or to deny, he wasn’t able to deliver evidence on 100%. Instead of he described two functional states. The state of autonomy and the state of agentic. In Milgram’s experiment participants were shifted into an agentic state. They continued following the experimenter’s orders although their inner voice told them the opposite and they were hesitating. The experiment has shown that the test person was following the experimenter’s order rather than following the orientation of the victim’s pain. This is where the laborated state shifted to the agentic state. Although the participants were in an inner conflict more than 60% were capable of giving shocks until the highest intensity of 450 volts, which would have led to death in reality.

The issue of obedience to authorities is still found in today’s world and “only further research can provide the convincing means to sharpen theoretical understanding of destructive obedience”(Miller, 2009, p. 21). In the light of modern research, the agentic shift won’t appear in this scope as it has happened in the time of Milgram’s study. Burger’s (2009) “Replicating Milgram” is an improved example and a very useful study in social and personality psychology, as it includes both methodological and ethical dimensions.

Because of people are much more aware and conscious today.”Some people have argued that individuals these days are more aware of the dangers of blindly following authority than they were in the early 1960s”(Burger, 2009, p. 4). It shows that a shift has happened in the conscious mind in individuals, in parts of the society, globally and collectively. Consequently, a different approach to leadership is possible today and can make positive change happen.It’s called leading with more consciousness. As a leader and lover of justice and peace one need to be conscious of one’s impact, about the meaning of taking responsibility, the meaning of permission, deep democracy, vulnerability, intuition, compassion, and creativity. Leading with consciousness and from inside-out needs to be manifested.This topic “authority and obedience“, “power and rank“ is still an ongoing issue and is applicable to so many contemporary social, racial, globally justice concerns and work places. Therefore it is more than urgent to act in this midst of mess up and uncertainty in today’s world. To my point of view, all leaders and lovers of justice and peace are needed to get up and wake up others consciousness.

I hope investigations will continue.

Annabelle-C. Breuer-Udo is a Leadership Coach,Relationship Coach, Process Facilitator, Psychotherapist and TriYoga Instructor at Transformation from Inside-Out. Contact her for information about how coaching, process facilitation, and bodywork can transform your life and make your life feel better, make you achieve greater fulfilment in your relationships.

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